You Got Me Figured
by PenguinKye
Summary: Ah, fandom. The pilots point out that Fandom and Canon are about as opposed as two north poles.


You Got Me Figured  
  
by Kye  
  
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a/n: okay, this is inspired by what I like to call the Pilot Monologues, by blindy. yay, blindy! hers're all separate stories, and I recommend that you go read them. not now. after you finish this. ehem.  
  
disclaimer: so it doesn't belong to me. didn't your mother teach you to share??  
  
story notes: I guess this could be confusing. a little, anyway. just keep in mind that every paragraph is different pilot. usually. unless they're all thinking it. oh dear. all I can say is, if you can count to five, do, skip one, and count again. that should (mostly) work.  
  
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everyone knows that I'm the perfect soldier, that I never fail except for sometimes, and that nothing and no one can penetrate the shield that is my brainwashed personality.  
  
everyone knows that I'm the happy-go-lucky type, the kind of guy who can do an indecent day's work and still look at himself in a mirror without serious suicide.  
  
everyone knows that I'm cool all the time, that I never give away a word or an expression without deep consideration. I'm no fool, and there's not a person who could say otherwise.  
  
everyone knows that I'm gentle and kind, and that I hate battle, hate death. anyone could tell you that if I could, I would spend all my time sipping tea and talking peace.  
  
everone knows that I have integrity, even though they might not agree with it. I'm a woman-hater, I'm stubborn, I have a streak of compassion. I'm a firebrand.  
  
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yeah, but that's just what the show said. right? you know better, don't you?  
  
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I may try to be a total warrior, without emotions holding me back, but I'm hurting inside. I also have a definate tendancy towards men (1x2 is a common phrase), which was, oddly, unmentioned in the series. It's true, though. Really.  
  
Just because I look cheerful doesn't mean it's real. I have a tragic past, like any good bishounen. Killing kills me, as does the slutty nature that gets me paired with anything that can walk. I'm a nice guy with problems. Gospel truth.  
  
I'm just shy. Or maybe I'm an alien. That's all.  
  
You mean you fell for that sweet and innocent act? No way. I know how to get my way, is all. I'm conniving, lecherous, very gay, and proud of it. Got a problem with that? You wouldn't. You know it's true.  
  
The only reason I'm mean around women is because of my bashfulness. It took me years to perfect the not blushing. And did you catch how I saved Sally and let Noin live? Man, that's the door to a whole nother me. Right...  
  
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Whatever. You do realize that the writers knew what they were talking about...?  
  
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I may have an almost-softspot for that girl, but it doesn't mean I'm gonna actively pursue her. I have a job to do. It doesn't involve getting laid. Jeez...where do they come up with this stuff? Like I don't enjoy the rush of battle or something.  
  
Yeah, so I kill a few people here and there. I'm not called Shinigami for nothing. Duh. Besides, they would kill me. It's the job, and the job is me. And...I'm so not gay. God. Who in there right mind would want Heero? Relena wants him, for chrissake! I rest my case.  
  
Yes, I'm quiet. Point being....?  
  
I hate war. It's true. I don't see what the trouble is. I mean, if it weren't for me, the others would be causing all kinds of messes. At least I don't self destruct three times a day. On that count, I think someone should mention to Heero that suicide isn't on the food pyramid.  
  
What's wrong with a little justice here and there? Just because I'm actually moral doesn't mean I have a problem. As for my woman hatred, I'm a little brash. I admit it. And then I get over it. Jeez, you all read into my character, everyone's characters, but you're going across the page instead of top to bottom. Talk about injustice.  
  
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Think about this, o wise ones: the person that dives too deep can't come up for air. if we were all so perma-angsty, there would be a definate shortage of gundam pilots and a hellova lot more evil-bad-guy-winning. Get a grip. And by the way... Not every single sixteen year old guy whose main concern is making it through the day alive doubles as a sexbot. Maybe they're out there, but they'd have to be damn desperate to want it even looking like us after a fight. Not to mention smelling. Hey, maybe it's just us. Maybe we're wrong, and we're everything you say we are. Still, you kinda have to wonder how none of it ever showed up in 49 episodes.  
  
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A/N: Okay...before flaming, keep in mind that i'm not anti-angst or anti- yaoi. I read blindy's stuff, people! which I know you're going to next...as far as writing quality, flame away. I don't care, as long as it's about this particular story. and please...be specific?  
  
Rika: who's your muse for this drama-twist thing??  
  
Kye: I dunno. um...I know! Eki and Akemi!  
  
Akemi: baka! we're not from the FRED universe. We can't be muses!  
  
Eki: although the insight and surprise are really my areas of expertise...  
  
Kye: okay! Eki can be the muse, and Akemi can hang around and make me feel bad. *finally, the muse universe is filling out!*  
  
Akemi: Like I needed an excuse?  
  
Kye: aw crap...  
  
Akemi: You mean the story?  
  
Kye: *starts crying*  
  
Eki: hey! I thought we were friends, Aki-chan! 


End file.
